Sorry for not posting for so long. I'm at this really weird personal place at the moment. A bit unsure how I got here and just doing my best at the moment to try figuring out how to move forward from here. Feels like I'm heading towards becoming one of those people who's entire sitting room is covered in self-help books. I'm trying to do it all on my own but sometimes life just unexpectedly hits you in the face and it can seem hard to know what to do next. I'm just trying to take one day at a time. Due to personal issues I have had to revalue my status and position in life and right now everything, well... kinda sucks!
I am currently dwelling between staying in this miserable mode or fight against it and start fresh. It's easy being pessimistic and sad, it's just a constant state of helplessness and it feels like nothing can be done about it. Or you fight back, struggle for some time and hopefully in the end succeed in overcoming the current problems. Either way I know whatever path I choose to follow will be life changing in many ways.
At the moment I'm sort of relying on spiritual words of wisdom and stories about people who's gone through similar experiences. Sometimes I just wish there was a result key. A life result key. But I guess life would seem pretty pointless then. At least give me a fairy godmother or something, for Pete's sake!
Anyway, not knowing what life will look like in 6 months (or even 1 month) time is kinda scary. Not sure what this place here will look like in the nearby future. There are just too many things occupying my mind at the moment.
My current mood is like a roller coaster, one minute I think things will hopefully turn out ok in the end, the next I can't see the point with anything. Oh well, I guess this is what life is all about. It wouldn't hit you with anything it knows you can't handle. And in the ned you will come out of it a stronger person. Sometimes it's just hard having to be so brave though.
We'll see what happens.
Nighty night
Monday, 16 May 2011
I'm so tired. Absolutely shattered. Totally knackered. I don't know what's wrong with me. Every night I wake up like 4-5 times thinking omg I overslept, what time is it etc. Sigh. Just gotta get through it I guess. Anyway, hopefully I'll get get some ZzzZzZ now. Sweet dreams.
You know who you are
Sunday, 15 May 2011
It's so freckin cold outside, as I was walking home from the train I seriously looked forward to a cup of hot chocolate. That's not right in May! Had a lovely lunch today on Charlotte Street. We were sitting outside braving the weather and watched people walk by. It's amazing how great friends can make you feel. Sometimes you think you are fine by yourself but then you realise how much those close to you mean. I know I wouldn't survive without mine. That's probably one of the most important lessons my parents taught me. Keep your friends near. There will be times when you can't see them as often, when you live such different lives and opsticals are standing in the way of seeing them. But true friends will be there no matter what. Living abroad has really taught me a great deal about myself and those around me. I know my friends are there for me no matter what country I'm in. When I go back home it's like I never left. Friends will see you through the good times, they will pick you up and carry you when you're down and they will share all the experiences with you. For what would I life be without friends? Happy Sunday guys.
TOWIW
On Wednesday I stayed at a friend's house in Wivenhoe. It was a long time ago I was so far outside London before and it was really lovely and pitioresc. Sometimes you almost forget who stressful it can be living in central London so it was nice to get out of town for a little bit and relax. We sat by the pub with a drink next to the water just chatting and later on we went for dinner in this really cute Italian restaurant. Everyone's so friendly and part of me wanted to stay for much longer.
Good Company
Last night precious and I went out for some afterwork, well she's studying so for her it was more of a... normal drinking session? We were both starving when we met up so we decided to fo to Wagamama to satisfy our hunger. Like two stuffed footballs we rolled out of the restarant and headed to one of the most chillaxed bars in The City (and those are hard to come across) After a mojito we decided we are too old to go crazy and went home and watched An Education haha. Very mature though. At 09.30 this morning I was kicked out of bed by this (way too eager for a Saturday) rested person who had a photoshoot to go to. I crawled home and now I'm lazing in my own bed. And I have no intention of getting up.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you
Friday, 13 May 2011
I'm so tired. Had to get up at five this morning. You see all these people on the train, sleeping, reading etc. I wonder where they are heading. I will never see them again, do they have an interesting story to tell? We all go on with our lives, too hurried to stop and catch our breathe. Too busy to watch the world around us, how it evolves and changes. And one day we wake up to realise our days on this planet might be up and when then suddenly realise how beautiful, precious and unlimited this life really is.
I always get really philosophical when I'm tired.
I always get really philosophical when I'm tired.
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